Please put me to sleep forever?

This is more of a venting moment, but please you are very welcome to punch my heart. I don't know, I have never really had a dominant personality. Never really was a big fan of life. Always wanted to be loved, because I never really feel it, it sucks. I would say I am a pretty extremely loving person that has great love to give. But every time I give it to friends or just whatever they seem so selfish and I guess rejective. I'm hard to explain I'm sorry but I just feel depressive. Past records had thoughts of suicidal. I know I would never do it though. I'm christian and I been losing my faith really would like to gain it again. So ummm.. I guess I just want someone to talk to, love me, and I feel really stupid for asking all that. So advice, please be nice? .... Please.....